Happy Tuesday, everyone! Today isn’t my normal day to post but this isn’t a normal post either. Although I am sharing a cute, casual look for spring, I am also sharing a little about my life, what’s going on and why I’ve been so absent from my blog.
So, many of my followers know that I’m dating a German – born and raised – who is only in America for a few years for his job, which is how we met. Sadly, as much as we wished and hoped and tried, his time is up and he has to move back to Germany in May. Let’s talk about a world-wind of emotions going through me on this one. We knew the whole time that this was a possibility – more likely than not. We talked about it before we seriously started dating and talked even more about it throughout our entire relationship. It still doesn’t make it any easier to handle.
I have been on the struggle bus the past few months trying to cope with all the information and trying to adjust to where life is now taking us. We originally found out the news when I was in Germany for Christmas. My initial reaction was literally breath taking – in a bad way. I remember sitting at the lunch table with his grandparents when he called to tell me and I had to excuse myself for the rest of the day to try and digest the plot twist I had just heard. And sadly, the next day I was on a plane back to America, by myself, for 10+ hours trying to make of the situation. Those 10+ hours is when I decided to enroll in German lessons as soon as possible and take the bull by the horns, support Dominik and prepare to go with him to Germany.
Okay, so I got really excited and ready to move to Germany with him. I mean, who wouldn’t be excited for an adventure like that right?? And I’ve always wanted to live abroad! I already have some close girlfriends that live there, I could get a job with his company because that is my background as well. I mean, everything seemed to be falling into place for this. Until we decided I wouldn’t be going.
Why did we change our minds? Dominik will be traveling back here to Houston every couple of months for work. I will be traveling to Germany in June and December, so really the longest we are going without seeing each other will be maybe a month and a half tops. If he’s coming back here so much, why would I go there and feel left when he’s back here??
It all makes total sense right? In my head it does but my feelings, no, not at all. Talk about feeling rejected – that sums up how I feel. Going from excitement that we are going together and doing all this together to me staying here alone and him moving alone, not taking me anymore. It’s silly, I know. But it is what it is – I feel the way I feel. After going through that decision making process, we talked about how it would be best for me to get an apartment by myself a little while before he leaves so I can get used to my own place and living alone so it’s not all change at once. Being in my apartment now for two weeks, I see the benefits of doing it but I was not happy about this the slightest bit haha! I’m starting to settle in and get more comfortable with it but it will take a little more time to feel like “home”.
It’s been a roller coaster of emotions to take on and the blog has honestly just taken the back burner to figuring out our next steps and what I am doing. The reason I’m sharing all this with you is just to get on a more personal level I guess, maybe connect with my readers more – if any of you have or about to go through long distance. Thoughts? Advice? I’m still in the “surreal” phase – like some days it’s really hard, I mean, HARD, on me. Then there are other days like yesterday, where I just accept it and live my life with what it offers me (totally easier said than done!). But I feel like I have gone through all the emotions of anger, sadness, fear, frustration, excitement. Did this happen to any of you that are in a similar situation?
I hope I reached out to some of you! Feel free to leave any advice or questions or general thoughts below! I’ll talk to you all soon!